Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
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