I just saw a hot homeless man
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
why do cheetos always look like penises
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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