I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
