Apparently you make a good broom.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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