I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
