I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
