Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
