All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
