But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
