You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
