he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
