Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
