Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
