remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
