If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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