Your mouth is God's brothel.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
