Do you still have your period?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
