You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
