I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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