I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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