hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
