youre lurking in front of me
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
