Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
