i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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