you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
