I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
