yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
