Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
