So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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