walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
