I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
