Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
