So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
