Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
