My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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