Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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