I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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