capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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