I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
