Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
be right there i have to get my cape
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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