Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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