I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
