What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
