I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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