Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
