Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
