you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
