I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize