3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We left an ass print on the piano.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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