why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize