either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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